the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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