i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
