I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
