you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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