We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
