I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
