Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
