@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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