just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
