covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
