Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
