This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
