yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
