WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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