can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
