Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
