WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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