I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
