i just wanna soil my oats bro
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to calm my uterus...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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