I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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