New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
