bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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