your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
