I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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