My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
