FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
