It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
