and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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