I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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