Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
