I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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