the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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