It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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