I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
