im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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