god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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