Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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