i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
