I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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