i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
