good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
