don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it's like iHOP with fire
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
