you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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