I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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