You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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