yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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