Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
