she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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