Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
