I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am naked and annoyed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
