And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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