I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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