I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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