i think i have two assholes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
