He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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