I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
