Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
