More tranny stories later!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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