and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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