wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
In America we eat man semen.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
