My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
