so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize