I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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