im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
