is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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