my vag is so smooth its legendary
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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